You Might Be a Philosopher

One of the lamer ideas I have ever had was to take classic jokes and try to compose philosophical analogs of them. This resulted in a number of yo mama jokes that I wrote back in 2007, which I reproduce below.

  1. Yo mama is so fat, she is the truth-maker for ‘your mama is fat’
  2. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks the trancendental deduction is a tax break for club kids
  3. Yo mama is so fat, when she introspects her mental states she finds food
  4. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks lost rigidity can be fixed with viagra
  5. Yo mama is so fat, her formal cause is the Fat
  6. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks undetached rabit parts are what she uses to make rabbit stew
  7. Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house in every possible world
  8. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks ‘the T-schema’ refers to the Boston Tea Party
  9. Yo mama is so fat that she accelerates at more than 9.8 m/s/s and so if yo mama and a bowling ball were both dropped from the Empire State building at he same time she would hit the ground first
  10. Yo mama is so dumb she has the B relation of taking more than an hour to watch 60 minutes

Over at Brain Hammer a couple more were added;

  1. Yo mama’s so dumb she tries to shave her legs with Occam’s razor.
  2. You mam’s so fat the back of her slacks looks like two of Buridan’s asses.

I thought that was the end of it until I accidently stumbled on this blog where the original post of mine was pasted. That was surprising but what was even more surprising was that in the comments section of that post were a lot more jokes! Some of them are actually funny. I list what I think are the best below, for the full list see the post linked to above.

  1. Yo mama is so dumb, whenever someone asks her for modus tollens, she pulls out seventy five cents
  2. Your mama is so dumb, she thinks a straw man fallacy is a Scarecrow’s penis
  3. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks that syllogism is what you get when you perform fellatio on Socrates
  4. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks pluralism means an open relationship
  5. Yo mama is such a geek, she swears she saw Sapir-Whorf on Star Trek
  6. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks monism is being loud in bed
  7. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks Plato was once a planet
  8. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks Alvin Plantinga is one of the chipmunks

You’re welcome, world 🙂

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13 thoughts on “You Might Be a Philosopher

  1. I’ve got a few:

    Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks “a priori” is a brand of Italian sports car.

    Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks it’s 5 o’ clock on the Sun.

    Yo mama was so fat, Aquinas would sit next to her to look thin by comparison.

  2. Yo mama’s so dumb she thought “‘is false when appended to a quoted version of itself’ is false when appended to a quoted version of itself.” was about her appendix.

  3. Yo mama is so fat that she’s much fatter than David Hume.

    (Let me explain: David Hume was really fat)

    p.s. I like the possible worlds formulation above.

  4. “Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house in every possible world” – That might mean that there’s a number of worlds in which she isn’t fat according to the standard of this world, and they simply have very small houses.

    “Yo mama is so fat that she accelerates at more than 9.8 m/s/s and so if yo mama and a bowling ball were both dropped from the Empire State building at he same time she would hit the ground first” – Well that does make sense, my mother takes her devotion to Aristotle very seriously. That has less to do with her being fat and more to do with her new diet of ‘lettuce and neutron stars’ though (it’s a variant on the Atkin’s diet; don’t try it. Neutron stars are bad for your liver, apparently).

    “Yo mama is so dumb she has the B relation of taking more than an hour to watch 60 minutes” – In a World of TiVo this makes no sense. Quit living in the past.

    “Yo mama is such a geek, she swears she saw Sapir-Whorf on Star Trek” – She totally did. The episode is called Darmok.

    “Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks undetached rabit parts are what she uses to make rabbit stew” – Mmmmmm…. the proxy of a rabbit stew has a proxy which is delicious.

    “Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks that syllogism is what you get when you perform fellatio on Socrates” – I’ll leave this one for those who know more than I do about the tradition of pederasty in Golden Age Athens.

    “Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks Higher Order Thought is about thinking Big.” – No she doesn’t, she thinks it’s planning a car rental.

    “Yo mama is so dumb and fat, she thinks the yumminess of chocolate is a moorean fact.” – Gustatory realism. The next big thing. (Face it; it’s no sillier than moral realism and there’s a bunch of those guys around).

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