Zombies vs Shombies

Richard Marshall, a writer for 3am Magazine, has been interviewing philosophers. After interviewing a long list of distinguished philosophers, including Peter Carruthers, Josh Knobe, Brian Leiter, Alex Rosenberg, Eric Schwitzgebel, Jason Stanley, Alfred Mele, Graham Priest, Kit Fine, Patricia Churchland, Eric Olson, Michael Lynch, Pete Mandik, Eddy Nahmais, J.C. Beal, Sarah Sawyer, Gila Sher, Cecile Fabre, Christine Korsgaard, among others, they seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel, since they just published my interview. I had a great time engaging in some Existential Psychoanalysis of myself!

You Might Be a Philosopher

One of the lamer ideas I have ever had was to take classic jokes and try to compose philosophical analogs of them. This resulted in a number of yo mama jokes that I wrote back in 2007, which I reproduce below.

  1. Yo mama is so fat, she is the truth-maker for ‘your mama is fat’
  2. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks the trancendental deduction is a tax break for club kids
  3. Yo mama is so fat, when she introspects her mental states she finds food
  4. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks lost rigidity can be fixed with viagra
  5. Yo mama is so fat, her formal cause is the Fat
  6. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks undetached rabit parts are what she uses to make rabbit stew
  7. Yo mama is so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house in every possible world
  8. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks ‘the T-schema’ refers to the Boston Tea Party
  9. Yo mama is so fat that she accelerates at more than 9.8 m/s/s and so if yo mama and a bowling ball were both dropped from the Empire State building at he same time she would hit the ground first
  10. Yo mama is so dumb she has the B relation of taking more than an hour to watch 60 minutes

Over at Brain Hammer a couple more were added;

  1. Yo mama’s so dumb she tries to shave her legs with Occam’s razor.
  2. You mam’s so fat the back of her slacks looks like two of Buridan’s asses.

I thought that was the end of it until I accidently stumbled on this blog where the original post of mine was pasted. That was surprising but what was even more surprising was that in the comments section of that post were a lot more jokes! Some of them are actually funny. I list what I think are the best below, for the full list see the post linked to above.

  1. Yo mama is so dumb, whenever someone asks her for modus tollens, she pulls out seventy five cents
  2. Your mama is so dumb, she thinks a straw man fallacy is a Scarecrow’s penis
  3. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks that syllogism is what you get when you perform fellatio on Socrates
  4. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks pluralism means an open relationship
  5. Yo mama is such a geek, she swears she saw Sapir-Whorf on Star Trek
  6. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks monism is being loud in bed
  7. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks Plato was once a planet
  8. Yo mama is so dumb, she thinks Alvin Plantinga is one of the chipmunks

You’re welcome, world 🙂